i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
