I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
