just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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