hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
