No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Randomize
