went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
