hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
