just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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