next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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