wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
