"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
