hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
