what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
