..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
