38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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