i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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