On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
My cat gives me a boner
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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