it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
