u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
We were destined to go to rehab together
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Text me some of your sweat
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize