my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You need Xanax blowdarts
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
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