I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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