Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
