I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
