He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
