So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
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