You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
