Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
