Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
