Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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