Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
