Plan B is the new Plan A
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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