Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
