i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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