That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize