I just saw a hot homeless man
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
