the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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