mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
