Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
