she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
