I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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