We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
