I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
