Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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