he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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