dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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