Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just took my morning after pill in the library
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
My bed smells like the plague
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize