what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
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