hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
