stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
