So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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