The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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