Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
