Jerry, you need to find god
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
