i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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