That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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