Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
