Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
