No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
