I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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