4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just want nice things and good sex
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
