I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
