I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
its not stalking. its research.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize