Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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