It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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