There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
