I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
